Hey :)

I'm sitting here on my bed, exhausted from life yet so addicted to internet HAHA. Fangirling at every chance I get, I'm just dedicated like that. But I basically wasted my weekend so that's what I'm here to rant about today.

Saturday I got up at 8.40am and had tuition. I yawned like three times in the 2 hours and I remember everything I learnt so thank God I slept a lot on Friday so my 4 hour sleep wasn't so bad. I slept at sometime past 4 after after texting syaz (thanks man!) and thinking about everything. But idk, something triggered me and I was in a bad mood for that day. So when we went visiting I just sat in the car listening to my Eminem. And then I thought about a lot of things and then I started thinking about dad. And how it was September. Y'see, 21st September is daddy's death anniversary. A decade. It has been a decade without him and I miss him dearly day by day. As a kid, I used to make my birthday wishes and I didn't wish for new things like other kids, I wished to see my dad once again, and hear him wish me happy birthday and hug me and tell me he loved me. Wishful thinking? Well yeah. Every year for ten years, same wish. I don;t think I'll ever stop. Oh well. I'm not gonna stop. So anyway, back to my weekend, so I just sat there like really depressed and cried a little. Then ate a lot at Toksu's house and went off to Uda's place and I just sat there thinking then I started crying. Like a lot. Then at Uda's house I slept. And then the kids were noisy so I kinda woke up but just lay there thinking. Then we left some five minutes after Uncle got back, apparently his father passed away without him knowing, so my prayers go out to him ♥ Then sat in the car listening to the same song again, "When I'm Gone" by Eminem. I am really sensitive to it so I most probably will cry when I hear it over and over again once again (make sense? :/ ) so then I cried again and I couldn't take wiping away the tears so I just made some really loud sniffs and said I had a runny nose. I don't think anyone bought it and I think my brother knew I was crying, hm. So, thrice right? Then went home and grabbed clothes. Then headed to Malaysia. Went to Tok Andak's house then to kakyu's house at JP Perdana which they were moving into because their flat got broken into thrice. Wow, right? Yeah. I really wanted to go home so I could go for tuition and tennis the next day but mom and papa claimed they were too tired. -.- So we watched this Merong movie which was really cool and historical, oh and mom fell asleep along with ibu, my brother, daniel and angah (towards the end). Then we watched Flat 3A which I have to say was confusing yet really cool and really awesome. And mom woke up for that. After that me and kakyu talked for some ten minutes and she fell asleep and so did I. But an hour later I was awoken by hysterical laughing caused by mom and papa. And I was like,"Wtf? You can stay up and watch 3 movies but can't drive home for my academics? Monkey crap." I didn't say it out loud obviously. Then I got frustrated and slept.

I woke at 9.10am but got up and 9.30am. Then moped around for a bit. Then had breakfast. Then had a shower. Then moped around some more. The helped kakyu move more things from the flat to the terrace house. Settled the stuff in. Kakyu did my hair. Talked, moped around. Boys bought pizza. Went to fetch Sufi at Seri Alam. Listened to them talk about college and stuff then left after awhile. Fell asleep in the car. Got back to JP Perdana then left like ten minutes later. Had a shower the moment I got back. Then went online after mom yelled at my brother about his shitty results. Thank God for my As and Bs. Then went to shop and save like some time after papa left for work and *BOOM* here I am doing this. Y'know, I have training tomorrow. I'm not in the mood to go though. Someone give me motivation like, wth. Do you know how lazy I have been? AHAH. I have become so fucking lazy and so fucking attatched to the internet, the 30 hours of no internet for me was nearly suicidal. not even kidding. I couldn't even use sgBeat to tweet for goodness sakes! HAHA. Then again I am an antisocial bitch fanigirl directioner blah de blah de blah. Waiting for like 3am before heading to bed. I'm thinking. There's this girl, she's having this competition where you can win the really cool One Direction wristband and I WANT IT. I have never in my life won a Tumblr competition. I want either the wristband or posters. Tryna see if Farah can get me the Fabulous or Top of The Pops or Tatler magazine. Its got One Direction stuff in it. I want their posters on my wall. Like what the hell. Okay I'm bored now. So bye :) You're my wonderwall.

A song that's been stuck on my mind lately :)

Lol, Niall has nothing on me.

Even if I owned these, it wouldn't work.

Please take the advice, darlings.

I hope this brightens Syaz's day, feel better man :)

Apparently, I feel it all the time.

When I'm Gone - Eminem

8 Mile :)

No guy has ever told me I'm pretty.

I hope so.

You promised me :'(

Can't we just go back to this?

I don't cut but I want to try and see if it takes the pain away or if it snaps you out of anything.

You did :) but,

Remember that.

I do have reasons but, I think there are too many.

Music Ask response (for my Tumblr girls):

1. Fly - Nicki Minaj ft. Rihanna, The A Team - Ed Sheeran, What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction, Shut It Down - Drake ft. The Dream, Should've Kissed You - Chris Brown.

2. Who's That Chick - Rihanna ft. David Guetta :D (I like Rihanna's kinda club music just so yknow.)

3. You Need Me, I Don't Need You - Ed Sheeran (Pretty dope track!)

4. I download albums so it would have to be...Greenlight 4 - Bow Wow :)

5. Never been to gigs! HAHA. I am pathetic I know.

6. Someone Like You or Turning Tables - Adele (I'm not sure both mean alot to me and I listen to them.)

7. B-e-a-u-tiful - Megan Nicole.

8. I think it was Ashlee Simpson's album :/ HAHA I can't remember the title though!

9. Deep - Auburn

10. One Direction! ♥♥♥

11. Either Adele or Demi Lovato or Chris Brown :)

12. Hmm, I like RnB, rap and just regular pop music but the occasional clubbing dance tracks too :)

13. Let Me Love You - Mario ♥

14. Tough one, I find alot of lyrics to quote so I shall just go with this,"Cause when I look in a mirror, I don't even recognize myself. Got the heart of a winner but looking back at me is someone else," from No Regrets by Dappy.

15. Yes, indeed, I do :)

So its like 2.30am and I have tuition in like 7 hours but here I am typing away and fangirling over One Direction. Yeah basically, I don't have a life and if I did it'd be dedicated to One Direction so whatever. So speaking of them, their album's gonna be released in November! YAY! So I'm going to try get Mom's friend Bibik Arez to get it for me in the UK and ship it over here :) So I can have it because it most likely won't sell in Singapore. But I'll wait till December kicks in so I'll get it latest by Christmas which sucks but patience is a virtue and that's the L A T E S T. So yeah. One Direction, I love you. Niall Horan, don't stop smiling. Zayn Malik, I dare you to be sexier. Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles, please continue your loving bromance. Liam Payne, carry on being the band's "daddy". HAHAH. Okay, I am crazy. So what? :D

So school. HAHA. School is a joke. Last week, I didn't go to school on Thursday and Friday, then add the weekend, that's four days. So on Monday we had no school because of Presidential Elections and Tuesday was eid mubarak (hari raya) so that's six days. But then shit went down in Malaysia and when we came back from Malaysia it was 4.30am. So I ended up not going to school on Wednesday. That was a whole week of no school and you wanna know how I spent it? Sleeping + Tumblr + Showers + Food = Best pre-September Holidays ever. AHHA. And Thursday was Teachers' Day. I didn't do shit. In the morning we has Ace's Day Dance. And we had to do some stupid warrior dance shit and I didn't know the moves so I just ended up laughing the whole time. Then we had TD celebrations. Class party was..okay, just talked and ate and, that's it. Then school was out. When I came home, I slept. I woke up at 7.30pm. Had a shower, went online and slept around past 2am texting Syaz. HAHA. And this morning I got up at around 11am? And had a meal and showered. Then slept until about 4pm plus and watched One Direction videos. That is how I spend my life these days. September holidays will be the same. But I have to keep my results up. I need a B4 for Chinese SA2 grade to transfer to Tanglin Secondary School. When I get to Sec 3 I wanna be different and work my butt off. I want to do well. But I just am tired all the time.

Sigh. What will become of me. Anyway, thanks for reading the post guys :) Oh and, I changed my Tumblr URL to http://zaynsnikes.tumblr.com and 95% of what I post is One Direction, just to warn you. Please follow my Twitter: @mathildaholla :) Much appreciated. Tanks ;) HAHAH. Inside joke for Directioners, sorry, couldn't help it. AHHA love you guise :) xxx

Mathilda Putri

xxxx

♥